Saturday, September 3, 2011

My thoughts on the Bone Stimulator

My initial thought, was that this sounded like a masturbation device for men. I even dreamed up a whole pornographic infomercial for the device with selling phrases (and demonstrations) such as:

"Hey asshole, is masturbating just too difficult sometimes? Wish you had something to do it for you? Try the Bone Stimulator!"

"Hey douchebag, your girlfriend doesn't want to blow you? Try the Bone Stimulator!"

or,

"Hey limp dick, can't produce a boner? Try the Bone Stimulator!"

Then, at the very end you have to have something like:

"Buy it now, and we'll throw in 2 bottles of lube at no additional cost!"

And also things like:

"Do not use for longer than 20 minutes. Not for use in the shower. Has caused erectile dysfunction in 5% of men. . .

My other thought (to go from X-rated to PG) is that the Bone Stimulator is the Muggle form of Skelegrow. They have this wonderful potion called Skelegrow, while we have to figure out some way using ultrasound technology to do the same thing. I wonder which one would work faster? I think that Skelegrow is kind of painful though, and you can't even feel this thing. Arthur Weasley is once again amazed how we Muggles can actually live without magic.

But seriously, this thing is pretty cool if it works. The website boasts a 38% faster healing time. Hey man, I'll take what I can get.

2 comments:

  1. LMAO!!! I just hoped over here from your sewing blog and just had to tell you how glad I am to hear that other people go from triple x type infomercials of something that doesn't exist to harry potter references as well!! Now if we can just include the Dharma initiative in this scenario it will be just like a dream I once had!

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  2. I'll try to work the Dharma guys in sometime.

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